Wherefore art thou sitting next to me?

One of my pet peeves is overly amorous, obnoxious couples.  They grate under my skin like nails on a chalkboard.  I found a seat by the window in an occupied area of the plane, so I settled myself, took out my magazine, and prepared to read quietly.  Then, they arrive--the newlyweds.  I was really surprised the groom did not carry his new bride over the threshold and through the aisles into their seats.  So there was a lot of touching, caressing, kissing, etc.--thank God for iPods.  They informed the flight attendants that they just got married the day of the flight.  Of course, there was an announcement made on the overhead speaker system, in conjunction with "fasten your seatbelts" and "please stow your tray tables and bring your seat to its upright position".  This announcement prompted fellow passengers to inquire about how the lovebirds met, fell in love, tied the knot, etc.  The bride answered, "We met at a midnight showing of Lord of the Rings and we've been best friends ever since." AWWWW!  She also described how their wedding was inspired by a painting of Napoleon and Josephine, as her husband wore 18th century period clothing complete with puffy shirt and riding boots.  A young boy wearing a puffy shirt on the plane had been a groomsman.  I must admit, it was really sweet and they seemed like a very nice couple, in spite of their annoying coupleness.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

I recently suffered and survived a major sense offense.  Obnoxious couples are amazingly irritating.  These married couples, who are in their late 20's to mid-30's, have small children, and are always inseparable.  The husband is wearing usually some athletic/geographic/collegiate T-shirt with cargo shorts and the wife is dressed either in an Ann Taylor Loft dress or walking shorts with matching flip-flops.  After they get married, they lose their true identities, referring to each other only as "Babe", "Sweetie", or "Honey".  Examples include, "Hey, Sweetie, did you get my Starbucks latte with 3 packs of sugar?", "Oh, darn it, Sweetie, I forgot!  Let me go and get the extra sugar, okay, Sweetie?", all spoken in extremely loud voices.  Sometimes, they actually have the audacity to form some sort of human to human connection, with the hand-holding and arms intertwined.  They are incapable of being apart, whether it be going to the grocery store, gym, Target, or even, Banana Republic.  The female member of this couple usually has blond highlights, make up, and/or hair pulled back into a cute pony tail.  The males usually have each strand of balding hair perfectly gelled and sculpted into a very careful formation, similar to blades of grass or mulch.  

These couples are an assault to every sense.  My eyes bleed at the sight of these perfect, white, country club, homecoming pairs.  My ears ring at the shrill voices referring to each other as the ambiguous "Sweetie" and "Babe".  My skin crawls at the combined sight and sound, and my stomach churns.  My mouth tastes like metal, and my nostrils convulse at the combined odor of Polo cologne and Estee Lauder Pleasures.  Obviously, I want to get married, have babies, blah, blah, blah.  But, someone shoot me if I transform into one of these spineless, identity-less freaks.