Mutiny and Mayhem In the Galleria

I really hate shopping.  Yes, I am a woman and yes, I love to get dressed up in cute clothes/shoes, etc., etc.  However, I really hate shopping.  However, I will go to a mall if convinced by friends or family to do so.  Now, on Halloween night (really great night to shop), my friend wanted to go shopping, and she thought it would be great to go to a new outlet mall, the Houston Premium Outlets.  This place has been a bit nonexistent for me, as I never really bothered to venture out to CyFair and take advantage of the designer outlet stores, such as Coach, Kate Spade, etc.  We decided to go and then have dinner afterwards.  In anticipation, I was looking forward to seeing the Kate Spade selections as well some of the other stores.  I never realized that I would have to travel the great frontier of Texas, like Manifest Destiny.  I literally conquered native territory, fighting the natives as well as the white dudes who thought it belonged to them.  It seemed as though I would not be able to make it to this place before the next millenium, and it is considered to be a suburb of Houston.  Finally, I arrived at my destination and was sorely disappointed at the lack of selection and outrageously high prices.  I had an inckling of hope that maybe, just maybe, the crappy economic situation would result in sympathetically reduced prices and further reductions upon purchase. However, this was not quite the case.  Banana Republic is my favorite store for clothing, and I know it's pretentious.  The outlet stores are a little bit of a joke, as most of the clothes look like the designs that were "Out" and didn't make the runway shows.  Also, some of the designs appeared to utilize thrown away scraps of material to make newer, uglier clothes.  

Another friend was in dire need of a fashion intervention.  So, in guiding her through the outer-transformation process, a couple of us took her to the Houston Galleria.  Now, this place is absolutely chaotic.  It seems like all these rich Latin and Asian people need somewhere to throw away money and since we aren't Vegas, the Galleria is the best place.  However, on a Saturday afternoon, there are so many freaks who are there to see and be seen.  Many fake-boobed, fake-tanned, fake-blond bimbos grace various corners, as well as the fake-(fill-in-the-blank) women of other ethnic groups.  They swarm through the stores, and snatch items like vultures.  Fitting rooms are somewhat of a safe haven from the crazies with money of Houston.  However, they take up fitting rooms with personal shoppers who guide them through the cold, dark aisles of clothing racks.  We decided to leave with out heads throbbing and ears ringing, and finally, have some relief of discomfort.  I think I had a few items snatched out of my hand, as well.  Even more annoying are the pretentious yuppie couples, needing to hold hands or be physically attached.  I always feel the need to say "RED ROVER" and charge through, potentially, knocking someone over.  Of course, if the dude is hot, I can take him over and keep him with me.. .  Please enjoy the following--and Gov Palin, I would LOVE to chat and get the answer!

God Bless America!!

Today, as I was walking into my office, for the first time in a while, I have actually felt really proud to be an American.  I stared at the Stars and Stripes, waving in the humid, Houston morning breeze.  The sun was out, the clouds were sparse in the bright, blue sky.  Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and the marigolds' fragrance permeated the air.  Life is beautiful again, as we have President-Elect Barack Obama to lead us into a new era of tolerance, diversity, and unity.  I am proud to call myself an American and a voter, as my voice was finally heard, with hundreds of millions of us who have had enough.  On this momentous post-Election Night, around twenty-four hours following the announcement of Obama's victory, we are still reveling in the relief and joy of this new chapter in American history.

Being an Indian American, and being the daughter of immigrants, Obama's words and values speak from my own heart.  Of course, John McCain graciously congratulated and accepted defeat. However, Governor Palin is not so gracious, along with her fellow redneck, gun-toting, fundamentalist BFF's in the "real" America.  She looked downright bitter, when McCain spoke.  She didn't even look him in the eye.  My favorite news source, Fox News, quoted her as saying that the Obama Camp "outspent us".  At least her concession prize can be her $150,000 wardrobe, if she doesn't auction it off on EBay.

OMG!!!! One more day of W!!!!!!!!!

Well, actually, it would be two and half more months of W, since January 20 will be the official change-over.  I am going crazy and I am not even going to "watch party", as I think I will be too anxious and nervous to even consider it.  I am thinking that with the young, ethnically diverse voters swarming to the polls, B.O. has a great chance.  According to CNN.com, B.O. has potential for 291 electoral votes, with 270 votes needed to win the prize.  

Also, I have discovered a new member to my menagerie of crap television programs.  Bravo is one network that always to possess more credibility (if that's possible for a cable television channel).  However, "The Rachel Zoe Project" caused me to experience some doubt, despite how much I loved watching the show.  Any misconceptions I had about Rachel Zoe were proven to be incorrect.  Zoe seemed to be understanding and passionate about her work.  Also, she displayed impeccable taste and style.  However, she is still an emotional train wreck.  But, the real drama was with her crazy assistants, Brad and Taylor.  Taylor was pretty psycho and Brad was excessively needy and codependent--a very troubling combination.

Now, Bravo seems to have discovered the Rachel Zoe of travel.  Meet this chick, Sara Duffy, an "elite travel" expert, star of the latest attempt to rub in to the rest of us how poor we are in this crappy economy.  "First Class All the Way" chronicles the lives of rich, entitled, demanding people from L.A. with enough Botox and silicon to use as alternative fuel on very extravagant vacations.  Now, what in the hell is "elite" travel.  Naturally, these folks are staying at the Holiday Inn.  They stay in the 6 star hotels in the most exotic locations.  This episode showed these very botoxed and silicon/salined chicks, who had arranged a trip to Paris and Monaco.  The trip included a cooking lesson with a chef from a renowned culinary institute.  They then jet-setted in a helicopter to Monaco, where they attended some exotic car show with an appearance the Prince Himself of Monaco.  Everyone wore their 6-inch stilletto Prada heels, with designer duds.  What creeps me out is that this elite travel expert, to whom we also refer as a "travel consierge", actually hangs out with her clients during these trips to wineries, car shows, and $1000/night luxury hotels.  Now, how is it a "vacation" with some chick that is not well-know hanging out.  It would like me going to the first day of school with my patients-- totally crazy.

2 More Days!!!!!!!!

I have already casted my early vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden.  I only hope that something doesn't get eff'd up and my vote doesn't get counted.  We have been inundated for the last several weeks with the economy, who is raising taxes, who is a socialist, who is a communist, who cavorts with terrorists, etc.  Finally, it will come to a close, hopefully, the close that most of us would like to see.  If (God forbid) the other candidate, were to have a victory, I plan to secede from the union and form my own sovereign nation.  It will be smaller than Luxembourg, as my nation for now will be confined to my home.  

In my sovereign nation, we will have time to watch a new low in all trash television lows, "Rock of Love Charm School, with Sharon Osbourne".  This show is awesome, it maybe as good as "The Rachel Zoe Project".  Actually, it's definitely better.  These beeyotches are crazy and stupid, and it is so entertaining to watch them scratch, pull hair, push, hit, kick, and no, this isn't some Nanny 911 type of thing.  Today, they get to manage a band of dudes and a chick that are sort of thrown together, in the fashion of Lou Perlman's boy bands.  These chicks were deciding who would be in their bands by who is the hottest guy.  Yes, this would be my criteria for a rock band.  This challenge is obviously inspired by the video game.  I would say, I am sad to see Stupid Megan go, because her lack of intelligence and meanness is pretty fun to watch.  She will blatantly lie and manipulate a situation to target someone she doesn't like.  In fact, her aspirations began as wanting to be a trophy wife, and then evolved to pursuing a career in dentistry.  I am not sure what the difference is--maybe lipstick.

This is very entertaining: 

Drowning in Breast Milk

I really do not like breasts.  Additionally, I do not like nipples.  I don't like it when those guido-type guys wear really tight shirts and you can see their nipples.  I definitely do not like seeing women's nipples.  It isn't that I'm uncomfortable, after all, I have my own breasts complete with nipples (only 2).  However, I really do not care to have other people's nipples invading my visual field.  In fact, nipples to me exemplify the sense offense.  Many of my patients are in the breastfeeding stage of life.  Obviously, being a developmental pediatrician, I encourage breastfeeding.  It promotes health, growth, immunity, and solidifies the relationship between a mother and her child.  

Nonetheless, I really don't want to be visually assaulted by a breast feeding mother and child.  I am not completely opposed to public breast feeding, but, please, ladies--just cover with a blanket.  I have a patient whose mother keeps her in a snuggly-sling contraption, and will whip out the breast when the baby utters any resemblance of a sound.  During her appointment, the baby would turn to me and coo, smile, laugh, etc., trying to get attention.  I wanted to reinforce the baby's socialization.  When I directed my gaze to the baby's direction, while her mother was talking, I was visually bitch-slapped by this huge nipple.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I honestly had nightmares of the nipple afterwards.  Well, this family returned today, and now, the baby is a one-year-old, who still has access to the boob.  Her mother is essentially a dairy, and this child is draining it.  It came time for me to examine the baby, like listening to her vital organs (heart and lungs) and checking reflexes, eyes, ears, etc.  The breast was out and visible.  I tried my best to politely give some time for the baby to finish with the eating process and allow her mother to place the breast/nipple back into the shirt, so it wouldn't be staring at me.  Finally, the breast went back into its proper place, and I was able to listen to the baby's heart.  

I have actually had to hold people's breast milk, before.  Of course, it was in a bottle, but, still--GROSS!!!  A lady on an airplane, to whom my father offered my expert services, was feeding her baby.  I actually got to hear the baby's medical history and there was a bottle of breast milk.  She needed me to hold the bottle--not that she couldn't have used one of those lame retractable tray tables, or anything.  It was pretty disgusting, and I think that some may have actually spilled on my jacket.  One time, it was for a work colleague who finished a marathon session with a breast pump.  I think I double-gloved myself and wore an isolation gown, and placed the bottles in a very thick paper bag, while wearing the protective face mask.

I Went to Houston's Version of Carnival, and all I got was a bottle of water

The Brazilian Arts Foundation in Houston, Texas, celebrated Brazilian Independence Day with much fan fair in the middle of the Theater District.  There were free samba lessons, capoeira demonstrations, performances--none of which I could actually watch.  I celebrated Brazilian Independence Day (even though I am Indian American) by selling beer.  Many people of Brazilian descent and other various ethnic descents purchased many beers from our modest little bar.  One could say I fulfilled a little fantasy of mine, being a quasi-bartender for a night.  I really wanted to juggle the cans of Budweiser, Bud Light, and Bud Select.  Now, a few people actually attempted to speak Portuguese to me, which I did not understand at all.  I even got asked, "Wait, you're not Brazilian?"  Of course, all brown people look alike, I know, yet, I found it very flattering that these old white men would think I would be Brazilian.  Now, I figure, Brazilians are all hot, women and men alike.  Now, if one were to confuse little, Indian me for one of the hot Brazilian chicks, then, if A=B and B=C, then, I must be hot!  Ha, ha. . .  

I realized that men drinking alcohol are very relaxed.  Eventually, they start talking to you.  I also realized that men love women who are selling them booze.  Of course, I really don't drink, because I love to harass drunk people.  However, men really start flirting with women who sell them booze.  I mean, it's not like I was giving it away.  I had to take their four drink tickets.  However, if I would talk to them, they would actually respond.  I flashed my pearly whites, and they reciprocated.  They even laughed at all of my stupid jokes, and, I must confess, they were pretty lame.  I felt like I found the Holy Grail of picking up dudes, since I was a hot, pseudo-Brazilian chick selling expensive cheap booze to semi-intoxicated men for a night.

What Happens in Minneapolis Should Happen Everywhere

The highlight of the Republican National Convention. . .sorry, that is somewhat of an oxymoron. . .is, depending on which Fox News reporter one chooses to follow, was the speech by VP candidate, Governor Sarah Palin.  US Weekly is making claims that there were half-million more viewers of the John McCain acceptance speech compared to the Senator Obama acceptance speech, which was actually much better.  

However, my highlight, which I never really got to experience was the Rage Against the Machine concert at the Target Center.  They entered the stage in their Gitmo attire, with those loud sirens, and then they break into "Bombtrack".  I love the added theatrics of the Gitmo prisoner scenario, probably a metaphor for our country, being imprisoned by the atrocities of the current administration.  In the storm of Obama-bashing, the sun could finally shine with RATM's setlist, which included every hit.  Of course, the whole performance culminated with "Killing in the Name".  The show before ended in a bit of a riot, with fans chanting the mantra, "F--- you, I won't do what you tell me!"  I will admit, that listening to RATM tends to increase around elections for me.  It is easy to really get caught up in the rebellion of the music and the powerful lyrics.  

Frankly, I really could not tolerate John McCain's speech for the entire time.  Finally, when he started in with the POW stuff, I just changed the channel forever.  However, it was fun to see how many times he would start over because he couldn't read the teleprompter.  I could actually read the teleprompter, thank you cameraman.  Of course, McCain wants to bring about "change" and "hope".  I can only hope that he is not elected, otherwise, I will have to change my country of residence.  Actually, I have decided that if, God forbid, McCain were to win, I would just secede from the Union and form my own sovereign nation.  I would prefer a peaceful separation, following the leaders of freedom, like Mohandas Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela.  So far, my country would be population: 1--I am not sure I could even get Olympic qualification, unless I could convince Michael Phelps to move to my country.  I would give him free citizenship. . .