Drowning in Breast Milk

I really do not like breasts.  Additionally, I do not like nipples.  I don't like it when those guido-type guys wear really tight shirts and you can see their nipples.  I definitely do not like seeing women's nipples.  It isn't that I'm uncomfortable, after all, I have my own breasts complete with nipples (only 2).  However, I really do not care to have other people's nipples invading my visual field.  In fact, nipples to me exemplify the sense offense.  Many of my patients are in the breastfeeding stage of life.  Obviously, being a developmental pediatrician, I encourage breastfeeding.  It promotes health, growth, immunity, and solidifies the relationship between a mother and her child.  

Nonetheless, I really don't want to be visually assaulted by a breast feeding mother and child.  I am not completely opposed to public breast feeding, but, please, ladies--just cover with a blanket.  I have a patient whose mother keeps her in a snuggly-sling contraption, and will whip out the breast when the baby utters any resemblance of a sound.  During her appointment, the baby would turn to me and coo, smile, laugh, etc., trying to get attention.  I wanted to reinforce the baby's socialization.  When I directed my gaze to the baby's direction, while her mother was talking, I was visually bitch-slapped by this huge nipple.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I honestly had nightmares of the nipple afterwards.  Well, this family returned today, and now, the baby is a one-year-old, who still has access to the boob.  Her mother is essentially a dairy, and this child is draining it.  It came time for me to examine the baby, like listening to her vital organs (heart and lungs) and checking reflexes, eyes, ears, etc.  The breast was out and visible.  I tried my best to politely give some time for the baby to finish with the eating process and allow her mother to place the breast/nipple back into the shirt, so it wouldn't be staring at me.  Finally, the breast went back into its proper place, and I was able to listen to the baby's heart.  

I have actually had to hold people's breast milk, before.  Of course, it was in a bottle, but, still--GROSS!!!  A lady on an airplane, to whom my father offered my expert services, was feeding her baby.  I actually got to hear the baby's medical history and there was a bottle of breast milk.  She needed me to hold the bottle--not that she couldn't have used one of those lame retractable tray tables, or anything.  It was pretty disgusting, and I think that some may have actually spilled on my jacket.  One time, it was for a work colleague who finished a marathon session with a breast pump.  I think I double-gloved myself and wore an isolation gown, and placed the bottles in a very thick paper bag, while wearing the protective face mask.