A Great Start to my Year of Crappy Television

Today was possibly one of the best days of my year.  I didn't even call my family, whom I needed to call.  The television was filled with sinful, apalling, yet, entertaining fun.  VH1 is going to be my savior for the next few weeks.  The "Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels" took off today.  This is by far the most disturbing and fascinating program on television this season.  There are now 15 women who will be residing for the duration of his concert tour on tour busses, living in very compact spaces that are well-stocked with alcohol.  In fact, there is likely no running water, but, there is plenty of booze, which flows like Niagara Falls in this program.  The blinding bleach blondness and fake-boobedness is the hallmark quality that gives the "Rock of Love Bus" it's charm.  The alcohol intake and subsequent intoxication occurs very quickly.  There is a Brazilian chick who downs tequila like it's water and chases it with energy drinks.  In fact, the catfight count was around five in a 90-minute period.  Drinks splashed and glasses flew faster than I could say, "Speedy Gonzalez".  One of my personal favorites was this chick who was one of the most plastic women I had ever seen.  She did not have any actual flesh--everything was collagen, silicone, or saline.  This chick said she was a DJ and tried to rap for Bret, which was absolutely hilarious.  The chicks quickly formed alliances, with one known as the "Blondtourage" (not bad for chicks with limited intellectual capacity).  These women drank, made out with each other, and got pretty downright gross.  Superplastic Chick actually took a shot out of another crazy chick's va-jay-jay at a bar in front of Bret, the other women, God, and who knows who else.  Also, this particular cast is graced with a former porn chick, with whom Bret was actually familiar.  After watching a History Channel program on Lust and Envy, this show is a likely representation of the second level of Dante's Inferno.

I am really loving "Confessions of a Teen Idol".  I must admit, a couple of the guys are still pretty hot.  The guy who played Hobie on Baywatch is definitely eye candy, as well as some other dude from Baywatch.  The guy from the Blue Lagoon is still pretty hot in his old age.  However, noone beats Eric, from MTV's "The Grind".  He is hot in a new age, hippy-wannabe kind of way.  He apparently is trying to persuade his costars to begin using whatever concoctions he takes daily, as part of some body and soul cleansing process.  He appears to participate in some form of yoga/tai chi/or something, with these strange contraptions that are similar to those in Space Camp.  Yes, I got to visit Space Camp and I even have the T-shirt to prove it.  Goodtimes. . .