Oooooh-kaaaaay. . .

In a momentary lapse of reason, probably while I was eating and needing something to do, I started watching yet, another reality dating program, called "Tough Love" on VH1.  I am convinced that VH1 bought some mansion in the Hollywood Hills, and in order to pay the mortgage, needs to occupy it with some of the craziest people in the universe under the guise of a "reality" dating show.  So, some dude who claims he and his mother have matched millions of couples, decided to take on the task of helping a group of perpetually single women find true love by changing how they think and behave in a social setting.  One lady in particular, whom is nicknamed, "The Princess", wears a wedding ring.  She informs the matchmaker-dude, "I married myself.  I made a commitment to love and cherish myself."  Now, is it just me, or does she sound completely out of her mind?  I am perpetually single, but, I don't feel the need to marry myself.  I am not really attracted to myself, nor do I want to spend the rest of my life with, myself.  A very dear friend of mine shared with me that she will get dressed up and go out by herself regularly.  She told me how she would go to the ballet and the symphony by herself.  She justified this by saying that she enjoyed her own company.  She also proceeded to tell me that she would get dressed up and go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner--by herself.  She basically told me the same thing as "The Princess"--which is, "I have to love myself and treat myself like a queen.  I have to pamper myself, because no one else is going to do that for me."  Now, I am all about pampering oneself, with a nice massage, a new outfit, cooking a nice meal, etc.  But, I actually enjoy the company of others, and I prefer to go out with other people, like my friends, family, or, a date.  This whole idea of "loving yourself" just seems like a symptom of a psychiatric illness.  Frankly, I bore myself.  If I am alone, there is no way I am getting dressed up to sit by myself in some high end restaurant.  I would rather be at home, in my pajamas, eating a Hot Pocket, or something.  All in all, it is the self-loving woman who may not be loved by any lucky guy.

Battle of the Moms of Many

As Octomom is thrust into my life by Larry King, Dr. Phil, Nancy Grace, Entertainment Tonight, and, yes, even Papa Bear Bill O'Reilly, I am beginning to experience a deja vu.  Sarah Barracuda (Palin) revisits my memory, and a few similarities strike me as odd:

                            SARAH PALIN                          NADYA SULEMAN

1. Number of kids   5, + 1 grandbaby                  6, + octopulets
2. Exclusive interview  Charlie Gibson (ABC)       Someone (ABC)
3. Acquisitions            $150,000 Wardrobe                   $168,000 Disability
4. Desired jobs                 President, err, Vice Pres            Actress, err, Porn star
5. 15 minutes   Speech at GOP convention     Fight with Mom on TV news show
6. Media whoring Lugging children everywhere    Constant filming of her kissing kids
7. Reality strikes     V.P debate                 Father questions mental situation
8. World crashes   McCain/Palin lose election        Home about to be foreclosed
9. Comeback strategy  Interview re: media mistreatment      Intervention by Dr. Phil
10. Dumb nickname  Lipstick-wearing pitbull              Octomom

In a Twilight Zone moment, this all seems very eerie.   Why are we fascinated with crazy chicks that have a bunch of kids?  In a ploy to receive good publicity, we are bombarded of images of adorable children, tiny babies in the neonatal ICU, these women struggle to epitomize the strong, yet tender woman.  They aspire to be the ultimate woman, with the maternal instinct of the Virgin Mary, sex appeal of Marilyn Monroe, and intellect of Marie Curie.  However, superheroes are meant to be in film adaptations of graphic novels.  These ladies are far from being heroes and inspirations to women.

A Great Start to my Year of Crappy Television

Today was possibly one of the best days of my year.  I didn't even call my family, whom I needed to call.  The television was filled with sinful, apalling, yet, entertaining fun.  VH1 is going to be my savior for the next few weeks.  The "Rock of Love Bus with Bret Michaels" took off today.  This is by far the most disturbing and fascinating program on television this season.  There are now 15 women who will be residing for the duration of his concert tour on tour busses, living in very compact spaces that are well-stocked with alcohol.  In fact, there is likely no running water, but, there is plenty of booze, which flows like Niagara Falls in this program.  The blinding bleach blondness and fake-boobedness is the hallmark quality that gives the "Rock of Love Bus" it's charm.  The alcohol intake and subsequent intoxication occurs very quickly.  There is a Brazilian chick who downs tequila like it's water and chases it with energy drinks.  In fact, the catfight count was around five in a 90-minute period.  Drinks splashed and glasses flew faster than I could say, "Speedy Gonzalez".  One of my personal favorites was this chick who was one of the most plastic women I had ever seen.  She did not have any actual flesh--everything was collagen, silicone, or saline.  This chick said she was a DJ and tried to rap for Bret, which was absolutely hilarious.  The chicks quickly formed alliances, with one known as the "Blondtourage" (not bad for chicks with limited intellectual capacity).  These women drank, made out with each other, and got pretty downright gross.  Superplastic Chick actually took a shot out of another crazy chick's va-jay-jay at a bar in front of Bret, the other women, God, and who knows who else.  Also, this particular cast is graced with a former porn chick, with whom Bret was actually familiar.  After watching a History Channel program on Lust and Envy, this show is a likely representation of the second level of Dante's Inferno.

I am really loving "Confessions of a Teen Idol".  I must admit, a couple of the guys are still pretty hot.  The guy who played Hobie on Baywatch is definitely eye candy, as well as some other dude from Baywatch.  The guy from the Blue Lagoon is still pretty hot in his old age.  However, noone beats Eric, from MTV's "The Grind".  He is hot in a new age, hippy-wannabe kind of way.  He apparently is trying to persuade his costars to begin using whatever concoctions he takes daily, as part of some body and soul cleansing process.  He appears to participate in some form of yoga/tai chi/or something, with these strange contraptions that are similar to those in Space Camp.  Yes, I got to visit Space Camp and I even have the T-shirt to prove it.  Goodtimes. . .